Sexy Beast
Remember the opening to ‘Sexy Beast’? The bit where Ray Winstone is lying by the pool turning the colour of a dry-roasted peanut under the glaring sun.
That’s me right now.
Beck is also enjoying her own version of sunbathing: wearing factor 50 while completely shrouded in darkness underneath a giant canopy umbrella.
This hotel is stunning, placed in the village of Fiesole just above Florence. Fun fact: it’s where Da Vinci enjoyed spending his summers to relax.
The hotel has got all the great elements that make for a luxury experience:
• Reception staff that somehow know everything about you which is both charming and alarming in equal measures.
• A foppish waiter that flits about the place like he’s stumbled out of a Wes Anderson movie.
• Clarins toiletries in the bathroom including a special gel for your bum that I was too prudish to use.
But the most fun part about these sorts of places is the people watching. The clientele splits into two camps:
• People who aren’t used to this kind of luxury and view the stay as a special treat (us).
• People who are very much use to this kind of luxury and view the stay like they would at a Premier Inn off the M25.
The second group make for some great people watching. We’ve got:
• an old man in an embroidered silk pajama shirt and old boxer shorts sat in the breakfast area demanding the waiter bring him four cappuccino’s in 30 minutes.
• A Russian crypto millionaire and his wife. He never looked up from his phone and she never looked in his direction.
• A mother and her two wealthy children, both of which looked and spoke like adults which I always find super creepy.
• A tattoo-covered biker couple who were obviously very rich but we couldn’t figure out why. The fun answer would be: organised crime.
It’s like our own version of ‘A Gentleman in Moscow’, except the weather (and the societal pressures) are much more pleasant.
Tomorrow, we move onto our final destination: Florence.