Olive Pigs - a hungry Italian adventure 🇮🇹

Sexy Beast

Olive Pigs - a hungry Italian adventure 🇮🇹

Remember the opening to ‘Sexy Beast’? The bit where Ray Winstone is lying by the pool turning the colour of a dry-roasted peanut under the glaring sun.

That’s me right now.

Beck is also enjoying her own version of sunbathing: wearing factor 50 while completely shrouded in darkness underneath a giant canopy umbrella.

This hotel is stunning, placed in the village of Fiesole just above Florence. Fun fact: it’s where Da Vinci enjoyed spending his summers to relax.

The hotel has got all the great elements that make for a luxury experience:

• Reception staff that somehow know everything about you which is both charming and alarming in equal measures.

• A foppish waiter that flits about the place like he’s stumbled out of a Wes Anderson movie.

• Clarins toiletries in the bathroom including a special gel for your bum that I was too prudish to use.

But the most fun part about these sorts of places is the people watching. The clientele splits into two camps:

• People who aren’t used to this kind of luxury and view the stay as a special treat (us).

• People who are very much use to this kind of luxury and view the stay like they would at a Premier Inn off the M25.

The second group make for some great people watching. We’ve got:

• an old man in an embroidered silk pajama shirt and old boxer shorts sat in the breakfast area demanding the waiter bring him four cappuccino’s in 30 minutes.

• A Russian crypto millionaire and his wife. He never looked up from his phone and she never looked in his direction.

• A mother and her two wealthy children, both of which looked and spoke like adults which I always find super creepy.

• A tattoo-covered biker couple who were obviously very rich but we couldn’t figure out why. The fun answer would be: organised crime.

It’s like our own version of ‘A Gentleman in Moscow’, except the weather (and the societal pressures) are much more pleasant.

Tomorrow, we move onto our final destination: Florence.